Looking at Me, from the Mirror


Early in the morning, when I wake up, it’s still dark outside, making it even harder for me to leave the warmth of our bed behind. I say a prayer and send a smile away in the room. Was reading somewhere that, putting thus a smile ahead of my day, everything will shine a bit differently. And, buzzing around in the kitchen, I catch my reflection in the the small square windows of the cabinets. And I like what I see.

Women are looking in the mirror. Some too much, some in haste. Depends on how much time is one allowed to waste before running to the office or just to meeting the daily obligations.

Ever since my childhood, I loved watching myself in the mirror. My ego being regularly fed by the often heard comments: “…she’s beautiful!” Many such statements were probably polite and nothing more than that, knowing that every parent will love hearing the child is beautiful. But I grew up with this conviction. Yes, I am beautiful and some day my Prince will find me and will rapture me to his castle.

Trusting in yourself is very important. You won’t become vulnerable. You won’t look around for confirmations, drooling for compliments. You know that you’re beautiful and this suffice! This in the case in which you’re not so much putting in the first plan this outer wrapper.

My job, right out of college, imposed a certain demeanor on me, which had to impress, conferring trust and making my customers feel secure. Under no occasion could I show up like a frugal gal. And then, in spite of my late 20s, when watching myself in the mirror, I thought I was looking ten years older. To be polite. At that time I wasn’t bothered by this matter. Seemed to me that this is how it should have been.

My office suits were tailored in classical English texture, brown. I’d never use them now. They’re making me old. For sure I wasn’t looking too much in the mirror during my career time. The daily stress, the small children, social and family obligations, all these were invading my time, leaving not too many mirror-moments. My hairdo: as simple and as easy to maintain as possible. Dressing in sober colors.

From my numerous photos in the IDs, I can figure a proof of transformation. Luckily, to the better. I sense like walking reversely time-wise and it feels so good! Think it’s having to do with my inner state. I’m living this state of good resulting from the self-awareness that I look younger by the day. Thus I feel younger.

And pictures can prove how I was looking in a moment or another of the past. A proof and an incentive. Nothing wrong with us wanting to look better. To please people around us. Pictures reflect our image, freezing the memory of one or another gone moment, engulfed by time. Same as our looking in the mirror is also a memory freeze of the very present moment. The moment of now: how do we see ourselves, but especially how others are seeing us, now.

To please those looking at us, we’ve gotta feel as we’d be watching every moment at our reflection in an imaginary mirror. In every second of our life we ought like what the mirror shows us…

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Three days after writing this article, posing in my garden, minutes before going inside to milk my Teddy Bear – https://makelovenotporn.tv/works/397

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