“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” ~ Socrates
“You were right…” I just heard, again, from her. Strange, eh? Go compare it with the stereotype of the wife on planet Earth: where it is us, the husbands, the ones having to tell them how right they always are.
Now look over here:
That’s a profoundly misogynous site, I have to admit. Take then the milder note of Germany’s most successful comedian – Mario Barth – with his renown shows on men v. women, their preferences and perspectives.
Yes! We’re so different (unequal) from our women. No question about that. What a common place! Really? Then why our expectations, and theirs for that matter, are so utterly misplaced that divorces became the norm in modern society? Oh yes, the latest trend is: “Why marry? Only to lay the grounds for an inevitable divorce sooner or later?”
Communication is the culprit. Men don’t know how to communicate while women are just baffled at their primitive unfaithful men. In short: we don’t speak the same language. Reality and utopia just happen to be so distant…
“Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.”
Indeed, the problem is political at the core and, because this is a loving couple’s site and not a partizan page, I can just post you the link to the cause of it:
Please read what Angry Harry has to say. Read what angry females or nice ladies are writing back to him. And then you may return here for the fun part of this controversy:
1. Why (some) women became feminists?
Because their men were brutal to them. Or because some of them were bitter enough to scare all men away.
2. Why men became brutal to their women?
Because gentle and noble men (most of them) were killed throughout various revolutions and the brutal killers replaced the gentlemen in the leading positions. Giving the bad example downwards.
3. So men are the ultimate cause for women’s misery?
As a man, I must admit: yes! No real man would give the blame away, especially on women. Let’s take our case in our hands and consider that our mothers educated us in a proper manner. A mother is also a woman. So she has the instinct to raise and educate her son to respect and love the woman-kind. She knows what a woman would expect from a man and she is able to transmit this knowledge to the next generation. A man with a merry childhood behind, raised by both mom and papa in a normal old school family, that man knows how to be a gentleman, a poet, a lover, a provider. It carries with his personality the kind of distinction that is most desirable by any (decent) woman.
4. So women –as mothers– are delivering good or not so good men, which would bring joy, or misery, to their women?
Doris wrote an article time ago (guess I’ll have to dig for it) where she stated that, yes, women are the ones making a marriage work or break. Like a man, she couldn’t throw the blame on the opposite part. Assuming blame on ourselves allows our analytical spirit to make reason prevail upon emotion. I have an exemplar of a reasoning woman sharing the bed with me. So I can tell there should be more out there. Not all, don’t get me wrong! The way a husband’s duty is to be gentle, poetic, loving and providing, the same way a wife’s duty is to stay beautiful, pleasing, to listen and to educate her children and, indirectly, her husband when the case.
5. What is that “duty?”
“Duty (…) is a term that conveys a sense of moral commitment to someone or something. The moral commitment is the sort that results in action and it is not a matter of passive feeling or mere recognition. When someone recognizes a duty, that person commits himself/herself to the cause involved without considering the self-interested courses of actions that may have been relevant previously. This is not to suggest that living a life of duty precludes one of the best sorts of lives but duty does involve some sacrifice of immediate self-interest.”
Aha… sacrifice of immediate self-interest. Nice to notice this in men and women, friends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. Marriage is a duty, after all, a commitment.
Darn, the title of this post says that “Men are Primitive But Happy” and I ended up with a course in ethics. Believe it or not, ethics are to be found at every level of society: a brothel has its own ethics, a stone age tribe has its blend of ethics. No matter how rudimentary social relations may be, they’re governed by some sort of ethics. Conflicting from a world to another, but that’s not our theme of debate here.
The concern for making a marriage work well is how you fix, and then adjust, the margins of its inner ethics. Is it ethic that the husband turns his head looking at butts on the street? For my wife, it is, she’s not a jealous woman. Plus she understands that comparing her butt to others (which I always do), is helping her to stay fit. Women are competitive, and this should be the fair side of it.
Is it morally acceptable for the wife to allow her husband more leeway for his manly primitive fantasies? It is, so far her suggested limits are not crossed. But how the husband would know where she wants him to stop short? Probably if she tells him. It is that simple to communicate: all one has to do is SPEAK.
Primitive men dream of sex fantasies that make them happy. And no, alcohol, drugs, pubs, cat houses, all of these are only giving them a reason to chase away some sadness. Because a man can only be happy when his best friend is a woman. Giving to him more than she expects to take back. This behavior, of disregarding her short term self-interest, will reap greater satisfactions from her man, on the long, steady, run. Quid pro quo.
A happy and successful marriage is, after all, a man’s friendship with a member of the opposite sex.