We live in a society of public extremes. You’re either super or zero. If you’re just normal, decent and modest, it’s not enough. But misfits, addicts, lunatics, gossip-mixed with rich and famous, are top of the news. One guy, this summer, jumped on a bus, from a bridge, so that he can make the news. And he did it. Lost a shoe in the process…
For us, ladies, things are more complicated. Simple boy stunts won’t do much. We need to be appreciated and cherished and envied and loved. The “modern woman” has a job, runs a business, works out to look like a super model, is a mother of (say) five, a lovely wife, a soccer mom, a fantastic cook, her house shines, her garden is orderly green, she does laundry as she makes a deal at her Borg-style bluetooth headset, and so on…
The modern woman is a myth. A media construct with little reality touch. Even the few real successful women have a tiny Armada of helpers, mostly women, at their disposal. The house cleaner, the gardener, the kitchen maid, the baby sitter and sometimes her husband’s secretary — even if no one mentions much about this sensitive substitution job!
In real life one woman can’t do that much by herself alone. And if she tries then she’s gonna burn out, and fast. You figured that out for sure, but there’s a new study telling us what we always knew about over stressed women.
I spent ten years as a barrister, a business woman, a mother of two (at that time!) and a wife to my business partner. Two grandmas, three secretaries and two house maids were then helping me with business, papers, kids and house chores. Plus my eternal driver, whom I also use as lover and husband at the same time — three in one pack! Was I happy then? Sure I was. Happier than after having the twins and giving up on my career and business? I don’t think so.
Business, and common sense, teaches us to prioritize, to fulfill more important tasks first, to create an ordered list based on the value of what needs accomplished first and what can wait.
Experience, and patience, will show us that items we wrote near the bottom of the list will probably get our attention over years, maybe decades. This because family, kids and hubby are roaming day in, day out (night in, night out) at the top positions of my list. They won’t let room for other tasks and I don’t want them to do so. I love them and I need them to make me feel fulfilled, needed, happy, loved, admired, desired, pinched, nagged, you name it.
Stress comes and goes, this life is not a stress-free place. But solving stressing problems for my kids is a thousand times better than taking the stress loads of strangers (call them partners or clients, same thing) as a business woman.
With ten years of supermom followed by twelve years of real mom behind me, I don’t regret the moment when I decided to stop being a supermom and start acting like a real mom.
But what’s a real mom to her hubby? According to Don, I’m his bunny, or his house cougar bunny — this because I agree with him that healthy and vibrant sex will keep us both young and fit to further fight the stress out of our lives.