Mothering Regrets and Feminine Remedies

It’s that time of the year when school children have drawn the line across another year. Summer vacation arrives with dreams for camps and trips. The nerdy kids already plan their next semester as the younger ones fall nostalgic about leaving their comfort space from the old school — somehow afraid of the unexplored territory, but daring nonetheless. If geeky kids make proud moms then yearning kids make depressive moms.

Is it just me in this situation? I asked Don and he sent me to read and consider a well written text on — scroll down for the last letter, the one signed by Anthony: about topics such as make-up, high-heels, low waist-to-hip ratio and a low body-mass index in women.

Notice his reference to this article: Top 10 worst female health habits.

Let’s address my first pain:

Worrying and harbouring regrets

Stress is damaging to both our physical and mental health, and women are twice as likely as men to suffer from stress-related disorders, as well as having higher rates of depression and anxiety. While it is thought there may be biological reasons for this, worrying about the future and dwelling on regrets can also add to our problems, with research suggesting that women are more than twice as likely as men to harbour regrets over lost loves and broken relationships.

I have no lost loves and no broken relationships — for me it worked wonders at the first click. Wow! Still I harbour regrets and what-if’s. During winter I struggled to prepare the twins for their admission exam. I worried what if they fail it. Turned out they didn’t and they were admitted to a better, higher, school. Great! Great? The next day ghosts of guilt haunted me: how should I tell their current teachers about my motives for moving them out to the higher school? Weeks later, when I finally took my heart to tell the teacher, she said that she knew all the time and that I did the right move. Oh! But still… I have doubts… and worries… What if I had left them here? Why the move? What if the better school won’t be any better than this one? What if?…

After leaving my career, I spent several years regretting what if I didn’t. It really affected my health and hubby proposed me a novel therapy (besides gardening) to get rid of those ghosts of the past. It was about home nude modelling, about showing my skin and feeling like a student once again. It worked, not over night, but eventually it worked. Proof is that now I’m not any longer worried “what if” I had not quit my career but “what if” my twins had not moved to a better school.

The progress is that I switched subjects. If this can be called a progress. Some women lose loves and break relationships, some quit careers and raise many kids, some may follow other activities. And all will regret some ghosts of the past and worry about new challenges in life. The problem is within us not outside. It’s not the environment but us! We tend to worry and sigh no matter what.

“Now dear, please tell me what it takes to arrive in a new place?” Asks hubby with a glimpse of fatigue on his face.

“Don’t understand, what do you mean by that?”

“Simple thing. What it takes for the train to arrive in a station?”

“Well, it takes that it has to travel to that station… Oh, wait, to travel it must first depart, LEAVE, from another station… Aha! Got it!”

Yes, if you want to move, to advance, to grow, to learn, then you must leave stations behind — otherwise you will never arrive to see and discover new places. Otherwise you will remain… behind.

And you need food for the travel. The first naturist remedy I take when falling in the jar of melancholy is a pharmaceutical grade mix of the following plants: valerian root, cones, St. John’s Wort, lemongrass, milfoil, mistletoe. It silently gives the signal of relaxation to my busy neurons and — most importantly — there are no side effects. The imagined issues fade away, taking the ghosts with them. Few days on a similar naturist herb mix from your pharmacy and your optimism is back in shape.

But this is no cure, just a temporary remedy. The cure is getting busy with a real activity, other than the one that burnt you out in the first place. In my case this is home (and garden) amateur nude modelling. This experiment has to live in a parallel universe, or in a secret drawer that the kids are not supposed to open. And, it just dawned on me, this secret life may find motivation in yet another regret — after my merry times that changed when I became a mother — and probably same worries — for the aging future. Yes, seems there’s nowhere to hide from myself. At least nude modelling brings a new thrill to my life. And a huge difference:

Yesterday hubby made a years-old photo selection for a new portfolio. He showed me images from 2007 and 2008 together with more recent ones. He told me that, as it turns out, I grow younger by the year. It sounds like a compliment, but what I learned from him is that he means it when making a compliment. I can recognize the false ones, they sound dodgy, sarcastic, and mainly addressing female intellect. On the same page of thought, hubby is a DOMAI ( old school type of man: he loves to admire the natural curves and shadows of a woman’s body, not colored facades, not Barbie dolls. He prefers to admire the creation instead of the make-up paints or the plastic breasts. He loves me for who I am, for how I look and even for the non-answerable many quirky questions I have on topics lost behind in gone times.

Love and marriage is a quid pro quo. If he’s kind enough to address and support my depressions, then I’m happy to oblige posing (that’s a proven anti-depressive therapy anyway) and allowing him to admire the beauty of the female naked body (even if not exclusively mine). Oh yes, picky jealousy would be yet another dark and desperate monster in the closet of a woman. Trusting your loved one is being confident that he does the right thing without rules and restrictions imposed on him. Starvation can be as damaging as gluttony.

White Lilies in Alcohol

And finally a home healing and cosmetic recipe. Harvest the white lily flowers from your garden then fill an empty and clean jar with their fresh petals. Pour alcohol until all petals are immersed and hermetically close the jar. Best is to place the jar in sunshine, but it’s not necessary. Allow two weeks for the flowers to soak in the alcohol. After this time interval you will have an effective white lily petals tincture to plug on wounds and pimples, or just gently apply on the clean face for a smooth and silky skin. Au naturel.

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