Porn, Daydreams and Real Life


What is real life? It’s when you wake up in the morning and head to water the garden because the days are scorching in mid summer. It is when the kids are coming down to the kitchen and empty the food reserve, giving you yet another good reason to go shopping — although not to buy exactly what you’ve dreamed about last night. It is when you find the yellow checks in the mail and read the deadline payment dates on them, and when you actually pay all those bills. It is when Saturday comes again and you have to write another blog but your mind is blank, out of ideas. So you choose to write about “real life.”

What is porn? “Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter.” Now that was a simple one. But porn would be nothing if what it explicitly portrays won’t quench –to some extent– the dreams of, mostly, men. For some reason, a man’s brain is wired (or unwired) to fantasize about porn on a regular basis: from once a minute to at least twice an hour. Men who never imagine naked women and sexual activity, if they exist, are the rare spiritual acrobats that exercise their minds on a higher play field. And the few do this all the time, by fasting and constant prayer. It’s like “flying” their minds above this marsh of mundane thoughts.

“A daydream is a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake.”

Different psychological trends associate daydreaming with positive or negative connotations.

“Negative aspects of daydreaming begun to be stressed after human work became dictated by the motion of the tool. As craft production was largely replaced by assembly line that did not allow for any creativity, no place was left for positive aspects of daydreaming. It not only became associated with laziness, but also with danger.”

Further studies — clearing out the social frames — found what was expected about daydreaming:

“Other recent research has also shown that daydreaming, much like nighttime dreaming, is a time when the brain consolidates learning. Daydreaming may also help people to sort through problems and achieve success. Research with fMRI shows that brain areas associated with complex problem-solving become activated during daydreaming episodes.”

“Therapist Dan Jones looked at patterns in how people achieved success from entrepreneurs like Richard Branson and Peter Jones to geniuses like Albert Einstein and Leonardo da Vinci. Jones also looked at the thinking styles of successful creative people like Beethoven and Walt Disney. What he found was that they all had one thing in common. They all spent time daydreaming about their area of success.”

“Research by Harvard psychologist Deirdre Barrett has found that people who experience vivid dream-like mental images reserve the word for these, whereas many other people when they talk about “daydreaming” refer to milder imagery, realistic future planning, review of past memories, or just “spacing out.””

We may not ignore our duties, but our thoughts can take us away from the hubbub of the kids and other house chores. And this is where our minds slip us into daydreaming. The very interesting fact about this is that, being his best friend and confident, I often find myself thinking about his fantasies. For better and for worse, we share the porn we watch and make. And here comes the absolute hammer: fantasies are NOT the real world. Talking and writing openly about sex, or having some exhibitionist moments, is more than enough when it comes to merge daydreaming with the real world.

The sexual sin is not a void word as, once falling to it, this will rot your body slowly, but steadily, with a host of unseen and undesirable worms and viruses. This is how nature works: on autopilot. Senseless and merciless.

While the sexual blessing, as opposed to sexual sin, keeps you healthy, in the belonging of your loved one, insulating your body (and spirit) from the wild outer world.

However, your mind won’t stop from roaming the minefields of sexual fantasies and daydreams. The only way to discipline it is to break up with the daily stress, which may be an option for hermits but it definitely isn’t for housewives. This is why I keep dreaming, and posing.

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