This morning in bed, right after having our enzymes, we cuddled, had intercourse, orals, sixty-nines, few more shoulder blade massages (I love these dearly) and, after long, I’m telling him to come on me and lick me fast before a kid would wake up and come downstairs searching for food. As you may imagine, my orgasms are way milder when kids are upstairs. Even if they can’t hear me, there’s still some sort of fear haunting me. I find this tolerable.
As he approaches climax — his mind revoked to null — his voice recites some of the most bizarre mantras. Today it was about us strolling hand in hand on a nudist beach, encountering three perfect strangers, me fellating them and using their sperm as sunscreen. Should such words hurt me? Well, they did, years ago, when he hallucinated out loud for the first time. In the while I got accustomed. It is better to let him fantasize in words and have him explain himself afterwards. The explanation is simple: when he is normal (not climaxing), with a mind anchored in reality, he abhors what he just expressed few minutes before. He won’t share me with anyone, not his friends, nor the neighbors and definitely not with a stranger. The substantial arguments are that he is very cautious about what to eat, what to touch and, consequently, what I touch. An obsessed label reader interested in bio foods, scrupulous with supplements, would know that an exotic encounter with an untested body could wipe out decades of common efforts in a minute of unconsciousness.
Yes, this is how he sounds when reasonable, a healthy logic aiming to keep our gracefully aging bodies safe. Erotic deviations may scent his fantasies, and mine alike because, you know, what goes for the gander goes for the goose. A cuckoldry fantasy may be a homoerotic dream. I’ve asked him and he has confirmed this curiosity. It’s normal to see the topic emerge in any genuine marriage, especially after having one’s Silver Wedding consumed online…
They say that, after twenty-five years of living together, a couple would casually wear each other’s socks, or clothes, or lingerie. This is gay! Both the fun part and the queer aspect. But allow me to daydream a bit please. Do I enjoy seeing myself fellating strangers on a beach? Touching beer bellies and hairy scrotums? Do I wish to take another dick in me? No way on earth!! I just can’t even fantasize about this. Why? Because love making is when you love the soul of someone — enough to accept his (her) body imperfections, or natural occurrences. Besides, my love making is (or should be) ninety percent cuddling and caressing and massaging. Orgasmic sex, changing fluids, athletic pounding, screaming and blowing, all of these are more than enough in the remaining ten percent. Love making is touching and talking, feeling and understanding, sharing and dreaming together with your soul mate. The rest is fantasy.
Oh yes, back to my lesbian fantasies. IF I am to step a phantasm down this page, then this would come from the Sapphic dimension. Fancy snuggling with no penetration but delicious soft touches and most sweet tastes. Giving what, and where, I know, and desire, to receive in response. Playing with another like with myself — I may sound like a narcissist, perhaps because this is where the fervor of lust drives me.
And back to reason again… Do I wonder why my man has gay fantasies? Just look at my lesbian ones! It’s apparent that we didn’t stop at swapping lingerie (à propos: he wears no underpants). I effeminated him at least as much as he has masculinized me. And all of this is perfectly all right: we are closer and happier with each other. The essential secret is having no secrets. So what if we dream gay? Can’t we?
Wrote this post for myself, for you and for Mr. ___ who has mailed me the following message.
I have recently realized something that I am not quite sure what to do with… I really, really want to see someone being very, very dirty with Mrs. ___. I feel very confused and conflicted with it…”
Dear Mr. ___,
When you are not sure about something, just speak it out. Gently prepare an introduction, pick the right moment (this is very important for your lady, so never try to approach the matter at another moment but the precisely right one) and speak on! Let her hear your fantasies. Ask her to reciprocate. Have patience. The secret of love making is having no secrets!!