Yet another guest post from Ruddy Adam. Scary!
The Hare list for checking psychopathy is 35-years-old and definitely needs some updating (such as a few things we’ll add in later pieces), but it will certainly do to help you protect yourselves from these destructive creatures called psychopaths. And remember: that ought to be one of the main words for psychopaths: destructive. Because they destroy everything they can weasel themselves into, churches, businesses, homes, friendships, families, teams.
Remember this, too, please. If you think you can’t be deceived by a psychopath, I’m sorry but you do not understand how devious they can be, how latent they can stay until they see they have you in a vulnerable situation. I know. They’ve gotten me twice. Both times it was mentally torturous, which does not even begin to describe the suffering they have caused me and others involved with me when the both of them had me in their claws.
The first time I didn’t know what a psychopath was, though I certainly knew what a pathological liar was and that was what I had on my hands the first time, plus much more.
The second time I knew what a psychopath was, the creature knew I knew, and used that knowledge to work around my knowledge. I must say, in this case, the second one was slicker than a greased sidewinder.
However, there’s always a remedy for protecting yourself. Become a Don’t tell me — show me person! Don’t listen to what people say — watch what they do! Use this rule with anyone who has any type of power over you — at all. That’s doctors, orderlies, nurses, teachers, police officers, bosses, politicians, et al.
I would like to tell you that you won’t run into one as cunning, as devious, and as innovative as the second one that got me, but I can’t do that because I’ve had friends who’ve had the same thing happen to them. And I’ve known several other psychopaths who were masterly observant about picking their prey and perfectly acute in the methods they used to manipulate them.
Psychopaths work by pattern, but they also change their methods very quickly to adapt to each situation and victim. By the time you recognize one method, they are firing another one at you that is as equally slick as the last one or moreso.
Psychopaths are not stupid when it comes to handling their prey. They are in that respect geniuses. They will pick up on what you like and what you want to hear, and they will say those things to you. That in itself is a powerful tool. This goes without adding all else they’ll do to you to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
They are shameless and relentless self-enhancers, self-promoters, self-aggrandizers. They are chameleons who have no self. They must mimic others to become someone at all. For the purpose of hooking their prey, they become the facade of their intended victim’s ideal person.
During numerous spates of self-enhancing, the second one bragged to me that he was a chameleon who could get in with anybody and make them like him. A creature with an attitude like that is extremely dangerous to the well-being of mentally healthy human begins, because it’s almost impossible for us to relate to those type of actions.
The Short Story of My Experience with the Second Psychopath That Tortured Me
At a very weak moment a few years back, I allowed a person who scores 37 on this test to get a very dear friend of mine, who is as honest, forthright, and loyal as you can imagine, and me in a very vulnerable situation. As soon as they got us in that position, they tortured us to a high point that you would not believe. My friend received much the worst of it, and it was completely my fault.
On top of that, I let the situation linger and fester, going against what I have urged others to do for the last 25-years: dump and run immediately when you discover you are dealing with a lying, deceitful manipulator. You don’t have to tag someone as a psychopath. Just there being a pattern of lies, deceit, and manipulation ought to be enough to dump and run.
Take no chances after the first time you catch someone telling you something and then not doing it: dump and run! Or telling you one thing and doing another: dump and run! Or telling you something that means something (not a casual tale) and you know for sure it is a blatant lie: dump and run!
I knew what we were dealing with years before we were finally able to part from the thing, even though we may still have problems resulting from their actions and lies. So the negative results are still lingering.
I made a horrible mistake by not getting rid of them as soon as I recognized for sure what I was dealing with. Don’t do the same! Dump and run! Take your loses and move on, just as you would dump a bad car, because you’re getting rid of something that is nearly as inanimate as a chunk of metal: a hunk of empty flesh that works night and day to appease its own lusts by the most self-centered methods that only a demented mind could conjure. And they’re using those methods to deceive you.
Or as one of our group says, who has authority over a good many people: Get ugly quick — and get it over with.
Upon hundreds of promises, after swearing (on God, Christ, and all else) that they would no longer lie and attempt to deceive us after we would confront them, all that did was get them to use new methods. It would then often take us a few months to recognize the latest pattern of deceit and manipulation.
They had no ethics or precepts or morals or any boundaries whatever as to what they would do to deceive us. It was all-out war against us to get their way, to appease their sick lusts. We relaxed after a confrontation and promises of a new me; they went right back to work figuring new ways to get us. It is amazing how innovative these monsters can be. Though we are ever-grateful to be rid of this thing, we are scarred and still suffering.
As a friend said, who heads a group of ladies that were tortured by a psychopath that hunted this area from 1961 until his death in the late `90s, when asked about the Monster (as they call him) and his many “coming to Jesus moments” that he used to try to get back in their graces, “Yeah, the Monster had a lot of those moments, and the next moment he was hunting new vulnerable women and creating new ways to get back in with us. Jesus Christ was a continual prop in his arsenal of deceit.”
For your protection and well-being: Ruddy Adam
Robert Hare’s Checklist for Determining a Psychopath
Rank each category with a 0 for Does not apply; a 1 for Somewhat applies, or a 2 for Strongly Applies.
Scores above 30 indicate enough traits to declare someone a psychopath.
1. GLIB (fake) AND SUPERFICIAL(shallow) CHARM: a pattern of using flattering remarks with the intent of bonding with a victim; quick-tongued when they want to be or are in trouble; telling potential victims what they want to hear. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to blurt out what comes to their minds to help them manipulate an intended victim.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH: an inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, thus a braggart. Psychopaths often have superiority complexes and these tend to come out when they are drinking or using drugs which they use to give them the nerve they need to con their victims.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM: an excessive need for new, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky or watching others do them. Psychopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine. They have grandiose ideas but tend not to be able to do much with them. Psychopaths are often Thrill or Adrenaline Junkies, some of whom are physically active ones, others TV and movie watchers. They become addicted to things like gambling, computer games, high action and far out fantasy films to fight the boredom they feel and to receive the stimulation they need.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING: a pattern of shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever lying; a pattern of being deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest. Pathological liars lie about everything, because they tend not to be able tell the truth.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: a pattern of the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; carried out with a large degree of exploitation and callous ruthlessness, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims. If they are sadists, they will enjoy the harm they are doing to people.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: a lack of feelings or concern for the damage, pain, and suffering done to victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, and coldhearted toward all people. When caught they have no feelings of guilt, because they do not believe they did any wrong. They may rationalize an act to the point they believe such things as cheating and stealing are the right thing to do because their victim was somehow in the wrong.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: emotional emptiness; a limited amount of feelings for anyone or thing other than themselves; an interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness and warmth. The inability to feel or understand true emotions like pain, suffering, love, or any mental interpersonal bond.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless, unable to relate to the suffering of others or the love they have for others.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and the inability to carry out one’s responsibilities, agreements, and bargains.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: expressions of boredom, irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control in social situations; acting hastily and impulsively. Making offensive comments to people without realizing they are offensive. Easily addicted to just about anything.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: a pattern of numerous brief, shallow relations; numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity (by rape or blackmail) or taking great pride at discussing what they see as sexual exploits and conquests. Overuse of masturbation for sexual stimulation.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: a pattern of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, drug use, audible outbursts, leaving home and not returning.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life. A pattern of having lots of plans and ideas that are never carried out.
14. IMPULSIVITY: a pattern of foolish or self-defeating behaviors that are unpremeditated; a lack reflection or planning; an inability to resist temptation; consistently frustrated; impulse spending; a lack of deliberation before acting; not considering the consequences; possibly unable to see consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic; reckless actions that break up relationships and hurt others as well as the perpetrator of those actions.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: a pattern of repeated failures to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments, such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, taking care of children, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contracts, bargains, and agreements, both formal and informal, both personal and business.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: a pattern of refusing to accept responsibility for one’s actions that have negative consequences; not conscientious toward duties and obligations; an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, and an effort to manipulate others by refusing to accept responsibility for their actions, which in turn allows them to project the negative consequences onto others, victims they so choose to place the blame on.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: a lack of commitment to long-term relationships reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital bonds, familial bonds, friendship bonds, and business bonds. Psychopaths always have a long list of broken relationships, from mates, to friends, to business acquaintances. They won’t have any childhood friends that they remain close to, and often don’t have any contact with family members, unless they’re using them in some way to fulfill their lusts.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; behaviors that are either crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness toward any authority, parents, school officials, law officers, courts, churches.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: a failure to carry out the terms of probation or other conditional release programs or punishments, due to carelessness, low deliberation, or a lack of conscientiousness.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking pride at getting away with crimes or wrongdoings; having no desire or intent on quitting, even after getting caught.