New and much valued input from Ruddy Adam on the pervasive theme of psychopaths roaming around.
Here are a few comments from people who’ve been tormented by a psychopath and one from a couple who believes they have just identified one who is currently tormenting a friend. Men seem most often to run into Ps in the business world and having work done for them at their homes or businesses. Women seem to come in contact with them as dates or mates.
These are typical of the many letters we’ve received.
Good info for all!
Comments Regarding Personal Experiences with Psychopaths
“Ruddy, I just have to say thank you for all your enlightening pieces and really these as of late. I’ve always been interested in how ‘people’ get by with manipulating others and how to identify them beforehand, so I’m going to be constantly returning back to these juicy informative articles and analyzing my experiences with the ‘people’ I’ve run into who have psycho traits. It is my belief they are more prevalent than thought by the psychiatric establishment.
I recently washed my hands clean of one who had all the traits, plus, — thank goodness for that! They are exhausting, insatiable and extremely cold. Took me a while to get out of that one, but I finally dumped — and ran.
For my fellow lady friends, alert: This type of person is a relentless brainwasher, the biggest liar ever, always telling you how wonderful he is. If they have enough of the P traits, zero contact is the only way out. You cannot let them get around you. The psychopathic trance is real. I have been in one and could not get out if he got around me. Zero contact, forever. Nothing else will work.
Ruddy, the advice you’ve compiled here is badly needed! After the first one on “How to Spot a Narcissist,” I cut myself off from this one and I mean he won’t get me back although he’s trying. Yes, I believe in the psychopathic trance and he has me in one I think to this day. I can’t see him because he will get me again with lying and charming me with his phony flattery and false promises. He hurt me emotionally beyond belief! I am praying a lot and studying your old studies a lot. It’s going to take a long time for me to heal after this ordeal. Yours and E’s many times over, LiddyPuff.”
Note: I have recommended that Liddypuff join the Big Cat (I quoted the BC in my first piece on Ps), our lady friend who heads up a group of women who were terrorized by a psychopath they call the Monster, who, according to his own notes, all of which I have read, emotionally tormented a hundred women and 12 young men (this type of P does not differentiate between the male and female sex) from about 1961 until his death from AIDs in the `90s. We have met 18 of these women and the Monster absolutely ruined some of their lives, by torturing them emotionally and by breaking up later relationships after they had either tried to pull away from him or he had stopped coming to see them regularly. By hounding them with all sorts of mental tricks and manipulation tactics, he tortured them for years after he was finished denigrating them sexually. He never stopped the emotional torment.
We let the girls name this type of P, and they came up with, Emotional Psychopath, because he kept them on an emotional rollercoaster for years, never letting up as long as he could get to them or talk to them on the phone.
When they first met the beast, all these ladies had either just lost a boyfriend, or a husband (mostly by divorce), and were at extremely vulnerable times in their lives. Along comes a savior: a “Monster on a White Horse,” as the Big Cat says, whom we sometimes call Big Momma Cat. This type of P is noted for having an unusually smooth tongue (when he so desires) and a soft touch, and rarely loses his temper. At first everything he says and about him personally is peaches and cream, until the subtle mental torture begins. (the pattern the Emotional Psychopath uses to seduce, put the hook in his victim, and then torment them we’ll send later)
Over an extended period, mental torture can be far worse than physical torture (at least on a moderate scale), as so many of you who’re receiving this know who went to military academies, colleges, and private military schools. Nine months of being a knob, a plebe, a freshman provided many of you with an extra-fine ability to understand what a sadistic person who has power over you can do to someone by torturing them mentally through their emotions. The weeding out process at those establishments, along with making someone “just in from the world” appreciate and earn rights, can be quite tormenting to some people. Some take to it like Brer Rabbit to the briar patch. I think it’s worth learning, but not for everyone, because some people cannot take that sort of treatment.
Whether they’re an emotional sadist or not (and most psychopaths have some degree of sadism in their nature), just dealing with these slippery sidewinders is always a torturous ordeal.
“Dear Ruddy: Been out of slavery over 3 years now. No contact!!!! Worse experience in my life. Never again!! Still in a mental whirl thinking about it. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
So perfectly nice at frist. Two months into the relationship, started hitting me with tiny blows that hurt a little. Lots of passive-aggressive language that the Big Cat showed me to watch for later on. I know now he watched me to see my facial feedback. I had no idea anyone did that. After putting me down with sneak shots that hit hard, he was right back to Mr. Nice, Mr. Perfect. You never knew who was going to show up. It’s not nearly enough to say it was hell on earth!!!
After dumping me and informing he was married, what the Big Cat has told me is a “cooling off period,” when there is no sight or word of him, (a couple of weeks) that these sly pricks use to get you at ease again, then there is this chance meeting where he told me he couldn’t live without me and was divorcing his wife for me.
After a couple of weeks of being extra sweet to me, the next wave of negative comments were harder and they hurt more. There was more passive-aggressive lines at that time. Then he stopped showing up when he said he would. Then he would come by late at night always drinking an to tell me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was. His life was hard he’d say, each visit started with a pity party. Everybody’s against him, except his mother, who I now know was his main Anchor. He’d hang his head and act like he was crying. He wasn’t. I couldn’t see it then but again, now I know there wasn’t a tear. He was manipulating me with sympathy to seduce me in a physical and mental way.
The Cat and the girls telling me aobut Emotional psychopaths helped me but I still could not free myself. He had me in the psychopathic trance, that is what I know it was at this time. I am so glad to know this is why I could not pull away because I have been so ashamed of letting him keep coming back into my life and getting me over and over and then being mean to me again. I asked my self ever day, why do I let him do this to me?
Thank you for all the help and putting me in with Big Momma Cat and the other girls. Without your early information and their support telling me what this type of P does I would still be in his trace and enslaved. I hate him and I hope he dies as painful a death as the Monster did. Sorry for the bitterness. I’ve moved on otherwise. I still hate him. I cannot help it. I always will. Gl.”
Note: Can’t blame her. Can’t knock the way she feels. Though I definitely believe in forgiving those who ask us to forgive them, Ps don’t ask for forgiveness. But beasts like the Monster, no way! They can’t even understand what getting forgiveness means, because they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
They don’t ask. They don’t get!
”I do believe we know one. Bell scored him a 36 and me a 35. The woman whose going with him 37. With the other things you told us were their traits, the tics and jerks, odd speech patterns, and atheism, this thing must be a psycho. They are currently tormenting this woman who is our friend. She is going to seek help. Although we are several hundred miles away, I think talking to the Big Cat or you would help. We don’t want to pour anymore on either one of you. If the Cats too busy then please call and advise. At this time the lady has a hard time saying no to this thing although he has taken her for money and has hinted about doing sadistic things to her during sex. He is nice to her one day, the next day he puts her down with underhanded slights. He has all of the list you gave us he uses to get his way.
Thank you for the help. Bell and I belive many people need this knowlege. Thank you Big R. J. and B.”
“Hey Ruddy, good review of these horrid bastards running about our land. A lot of things are sinking in this time that did not last time, 23 years ago. I had no idea how bad I needed these studies. Everybody running a business or working in one where they have to deal with people needs this information. Where the hell are most people going to get it?
You know my story with one. You can relate it to your recipients, if you will. I hired a man at the company who supposedly had all the credentials. He was a hit early on with the office staff. Very friendly with everyone except the boys in the back who didn’t like him right off. Stuffed shirt they said. Like you said they couldn’t help him, he didn’t need them. Why be nice to them?
I was put on alert after he made an obvious mistake and excused it by blaming someone else. The two I’ve had experience with over the years were big blamers, excuse makers. They never took responsibility for anything they caused to happen that came out bad. As quick as a flash they would try to put the blame on me, if they could.
A salesman deluxe, this one was selling our products just fine. The second month after hiring him, we began missing inventory, something that had never happened before. We went back over the books to make sure. Found several thousand dollars missing.
He was firing at the married ladies at the office. When I called him on it he quickly flipped (a flipper as you say) it onto them as coming on to him first. I said, “You don’t come on to any of the girls in our company, and that especially goes for the married ones.” Again he quickly said he didn’t know any of them were married. Another quick excuse. Then he started talking about going to church that prior weekend with his wife. It sounded good all right. All lies.
I let it go to see if he’d improve. Long story short his resumé was fake and he was the one stealing from the company. He had been in trouble everywhere he’d worked. When I called him in to fire him, he began playing innocent at first, then came the poor pitiful me story in which he admitted to stealing but it was because his wife was sick and that forced him into a desperate situation. He had told the girls up front that he was not married. Then he told me how much I needed him because he’s the best salesman in the nation. Wow! I let him go and he kept bragging. To hear him tell it the company would go bankrupt without him.
He almost had me convinced that I did need him. (Joke!)
When I said, “Sorry, you’ve got to go,” he started threatening me with calling various government agencies and reporting the company for things he claimed we were doing yet definitely were not.
When that didn’t work, he switched again to a poor persecuted person that everybody always picked on where they accused him of things he didn’t do. It took me over two hours to get him out of my office and his last words were and I’ll never forget them, “I didn’t do all you think I did. Somebody else is doing more than me.” Another attempt to blame and deny responsibility.
The whole ordeal put a negative karma over the whole office. They talked about all he did and said for weeks, like they were using the conversations as therapy. He was telling each one a different story. I suppose it was whatever he thought they wanted to hear.
There was not one ounce of shame or remorse when he left. He seemed invigorated to me. That was the first time I woke up to what I had on my hands. I went to sleep and woke up.
Since he walked out that door, we’ve never had another cent missing.
Love you and all, The E. Bros.
Note: Obviously, we all needed a review. Plus, as we go, you’ll see some new info about both Ns & Ps that we did not have 25-years ago. Thank you very much, E. Love to you, the brothers, the staff, wives, and family, from all here!
Closing Note: We have several other reports of dealing with these beasts. These were varied enough to help the most, I think. Comment One regarding No Contact is essential for women, because the types that they deal with always have the ability to put certain women in what is called the psychopathic trance. Or, as the Cat and Girls call it, the Seduction Trance, one in which, even though you have begun to hate what the beast is doing to you, and tell yourself you hate him, after listening to his whining and conning, you nevertheless “take him in again mentally and often take his hand and lead him to the bedroom, although you’ve sworn to yourself you won’t have anything else to do with him.”
Relentless self-enhancing and self-promoting are powerful brainwashing tools. When someone is doing this around you or directly to you, take careful notice. Start looking for the psycho traits. If you see them, move away as quickly as possible, because nothing good can come out of being around a psychopath.
Over the years just about every one of the girls in the Cat’s group has told El and me that even after they hated the Monster and knew he was a skunk (they had no idea he was a psychopath or even what one was), when someone would say something negative about him it would hurt them and they would take up for him. Often they would hear that he was a philanderer, a term that actually had meaning 30-years ago (a very negative meaning, too) when most of them were tied up with the Monster, yet again they would slough that off and take up for him.
The poor things truly believed that they were the love, the only true love, the one and only love of his life, and if it were not for his wife (his sub-Anchor) and children and family (his Mother in particular who was his Main-Anchor), he would marry them in an instant. They believed that he suffered daily because he had to stay with a woman he did not love and could not be with them, the only person he truly loved.
Think about it. That is a most powerful con, a helluva burden to lay on the back of someone who is looking for that special person, someone to love them and them only. Brutal! From this I think everyone who has not had this type of experience in their lives can understand why these girls need help and support and why they hate the Monster although he’s dead and gone.
Thanks to everyone for the notes and letters. The more input we have in respect to what we’re dealing with, the better it is for all of us, because these SOBs will change their colors and characters and tactics in an instant. I still believe what I concluded back in the 1990s: These monsters are multiplying because we are breeding them like rats.
Ruddy & Co